Day 5-Rounding out the Week

As I look back over the week from hell, I am uplifted by the strength and resilience of my co-workers.  We have all supported each other, checked in by phone, email, FB, any way possible to make sure everyone else is doing okay.  The calls Elyse, Joye, Mike and site development folks are doing with the sites are full of hope; leaders are already creating ways to continue and thrive.

My support system has been wonderful .  Matt has held me and assured me that all will be fine.  Mom is in constant prayer for God to show me the next window. My sister listens and supports from afar; I feel her love.  My sons empathize and send their love.    Friends have sent cards, called and let me know they are near.  One should never underestimate the power of a support system; it has buoyed me throughout the week.
My dreams continue to flood my mind:  gardening, a children's book, a painting class, a week devoted to my granddaughter, teaching, weekly classes of Mah Jongg, exercise, or...well sky is the limit.  It's lovely to look forward.

Day 5 feels so good!

Day 4-Possibilities

My whole outlook is improved today!  I'm thinking about seeing AW on Saturday, all my friends in DC, and hanging with Britt.  All of a sudden the world feels whole with possibility...a painting class, hanging out more with the ladies, regular exercise classes, gardening on pretty days, winning the lottery, or a trip around the world.  Nothing seems impossible today.

I've survived much worse than job loss in my life.  Heck, at birth I wasn't supposed to live...so here I am.  Losing loved ones, betrayal, living in my car, tornadoes, losing a home to fire, surviving cancer...Good grief, an NWP transition is nothing.

I am so thankful for my family and friends who have been there for me this week.  I couldn't have progressed without their understanding and love.  My God is good!  

The Lord has plans for me and the windows are providing signs of a breeze.  Something great is coming; I can't wait to see what it is.

Day 3 A bit later

So, I showered and it's before 9:00 am.  I'm out of my pajamas and the sun is out.  It's quite windy outside but just to see the sun for a while gives me rays of hope.  I'm trying to think positive thoughts...like firsts instead of lasts.  First summer off in, well, forever!  First lone visit with our granddaughter!  First reunion since we left Tulsa.  First transition to the next decade, my 60s.  (Holy Moly...that looks big in print.)  First positive thoughts in days.  Enjoying this moment where my mental state feels better even if my physical state feels exhausted.  Just being.  Dumping thoughts, digitally. 

Day 3, very early

Couldn't I just sleep through this one?  No, when one is foreseeing unemployment, one doesn't sleep.  It dawned on me at 4:00 this morning, it's Wednesday, only two days until I leave for AW's and then to DC.  Today, I'll listen in on one of the site calls to hear the questions and responses about the NWP state of affairs.  Afterwards, I'll take mom to Portland to the doctor.  Do I have the strength to hear the same stories today, to be patient with her, to try to stay positive on her account...only by the grace of God?!

I'm so afraid of DC. I'm afraid I'll cry my way through the weekend.  The sites need someone strong and positive; I can't find that Pat right now.   I keep telling myself to get it together but it's just not happening.  Maybe the call today will help. 

Dixie texted me this morning at 4:00 am.  Guess I'll break the news to her today, hoping we can still maintain a relationship after June 1.  It has been such a joy to watch her grow a new site.  I'm praying ADWP can withstand the cuts.

Today's theme seems to be self doubt.  Who will hire an overweight, un-certificated, 59 year old has-been teacher...to do what?  What do I want to do?  Nothing!  Maybe I'll become a hermit or homeless person.  They seem so content with who they are.  No pressure or responsibility.  For the first time since I was 9 years old, I don't want to teach.  I have no desire to stay in education.  It's like a bad break up...here take your 41 years of heartache and "Forget Youuuuu!"  as the song goes.  I don't have hope that things will change in my life time.  What did my dad say...go into business Patty, you'll never have anything as a teacher.  I think I retorted with something about money isn't everything, blah, blah, blah!  My bad.

Day 2

With a Cheeto hangover, I bumbled into my office with my usual routine.  It dawned on me I hadn't asked the obvious question, "What will my job be until June 1?"  The internet was spotty but I managed to get in touch with Lynette by phone.  I knew how upset she was the day before and thought we'd both feel better if we talked.  We stayed on the phone well over an hour, reaching out, asking questions, comforting one another, making jokes, wondering about other colleagues, trying to be strong, and being together.


I felt if I could accomplish something I'd feel better. Accomplish something pertaining to control, my future, anything.  So, I changed our answering tape and my tagline in my gmail account. There.  That would make it better. Now, I've begun the separation process.


Jillian called.  What a sweetie!  She was feeling the same thing this morning.  We both did the same FB post:  Yesterday was not a bad dream; it was real.  Mine was, "Reality Check, yesterday was not a bad dream.  What now Lord."

Britt called to say she was coming to DC...one last time to celebrate as we'd always done...at an NWP event.  It comforted me.  Just as she had comforted me the day before when I called her sobbing and just as I can always count on her to comfort me.
I was still in PJs at 10ish when Matt called to say a contractor was coming over.  I retreated to a bubble bath, the first step of trying to gather my wits.  I didn't relax, even reading.

Penny came up to chat; she's leaving for England Monday and I'm so happy she is making her transition.  Two months there to think...with no burden of property or responsibility here...I was a bit envious.  Yesterday I kept thinking, I want to run away.  Something in me was seven again.  I could see my father's anger when I ran away and returned home half hour later with a stray kitten I wanted to keep.  Being vulnerable brings back all sorts of memories.

We ended the day at church.  Mom was in a bad mood, people at church were controlling, we were the hosts, so I never had time for the spiritual state of mind I usually have there.  It was disappointing.

By ten I was back in fetal position in bed.

Day 1

Devastation, heavy silence, sobbing, reaching out, sobbing, numbness, anger, sobbing, exhaustion, doubt...just a few of my feelings the 21st of March when 60 % of our NWP office found out we would be laid off.  On the same day, my friend Luke posted a picture of a paper towel roll mangled by being cut in half with the comment, "sometimes you have to amputate to save the whole."  I felt amputated from the whole, knowing that the amputated part dies filled me with sadness.  I wanted to die, actually.  I sat at the beach by myself with a bag of Cheeto Puffs...it seemed the worst thing I could do to myself I guess...eat forbidden food.  The day was gray and rainy, of course, and the Cape Mears spit was calm.  A call from Carolyn helped me sob some more.  I was avoiding going home.  Home to my "office,"  home to emptiness,  home to face reality.  I sat until dark.  Home was just as I expected -empty and dark- so I crawled into my bed with my stuffed lamb and cried myself to sleep.  When I awoke, Matt was holding me...and I sobbed some more.

Please help!

Dear Oprah,

The National Writing Project and other literacy programs for students have been cut from the federal budget.  I am hoping this letter will shed some light on why this matters to America’s teachers. 

I have spent the last 38 years in education.  Actually, if one counts my undergraduate years and work in Head Start, I’ve been an educator for 41 years.  During that time, I’ve had amazing experiences with students.  My rural, migrant, minority kindergarteners received letters from Charles Shultz after we sent Valentines to Charlie Brown.  Consequently, they were convinced that reading, writing, and communication would open their world. 

Adidas and John Starks built my inner city school a new basketball court.  I wrote to Mr. Starks telling him the influence he had on my students and Adidas came to interview them.  My students wrote an editorial for the local newspaper urging citizens to help keep school playgrounds safe and clean.  Through writing they learned the power of their voices. 

Another class studied an urban renewal building project, making friends with the architect, project manager, brick layers, etc. in a real world environment where we studied archeology, city planning, careers, budget management, and more.  After traveling to the site weekly, we created journals and scrapbooks of the process, wrote stories and articles, and invited city leaders to our portfolio party.  The students learned the power of writing to learn. 

With no funds for field trips, we started a donut sales company to earn bus rental for a field trip to Oklahoma City, our capitol.  These third-fifth graders incorporated technology to budget and track our profits, marketing ideas to advertise, and hard work before, after and during school.   Many of these students had never left their neighborhood, much less their city.  We toured the site and museum of the Oklahoma City bombing, the State Capitol, and attended the ballet.  The students learned the power of technology, hard work, and communication to reach a goal.

I have provided opportunities for  students to reflect on their learning through writing, how to research their burning questions, and how to stand up for their rights.  Kindergarten thru eighth grade and then at the local community college, I’ve been able to empower students to direct their own learning. 

These experiences were significant to both my students and to me as a life- long learner.    These types of authentic learning opportunities were possible because of my development as a professional and my belief in students being capable, engaged learners.  Since 1994, my growth has come through being involved with a network of teachers who are dedicated to improving education, the National Writing Project. 

The National Writing Project, a non-profit organization, was the first to create institutes where teachers K-University meet together for self improvement and collegial support.  The project started at the University of Berkeley in 1974 with the need to help teachers become more proficient at teaching writing.  Now, we have over 200 sites based at Universities in the United States, Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands.  Each site runs a summer institute and provides workshops for local teachers designed to meet the unique needs of their teaching situations.  We also have partnership grants with Gates, Carnegie, McArthur, and the Holocaust Museum in Washington DC where we lead teachers into a world of technology, publish student work, and provide resources for them to share with their local districts.  Two years ago,  we started working with the embassy in South Africa as we have had teachers from Africa attend our institutes in the states. 

NWP has been effective and successful over the past 37 years and we have the research to prove our programming has depth and breath.  We leverage $3.00 for every dollar received from the federal government, we have built a website rich with resources for all teachers to access.  Please visit nwp.org for more details.

Unfortunately, all of our federal funding has been cut along with many other powerful literacy programs, four billion dollars from the FY 2011 budget.  Because of your love for reading and writing and a lifetime in communication, I am sure you can see this is a great loss to the teachers and students of this nation and beyond.  This means the 37 years NWP built an infrastructure will be lost as well.  It is much like throwing away the baby with the bathtub.

Oprah, I’m desperate and asking for your expertise.  Teachers are not trained in fund raising; they are called to teach.  It is a profession of humility and service.  The teachers in our network and across the country are emotionally and physically drained.  Our government keeps telling them to focus on test scores.  The public says they are no good.  Now the people who have supported and believed in them are being zeroed out of the FY2011 budget. 

We know research has proven the number one factor in improving education is good teachers; we are losing them.   Teachers want to provide experiences like I mentioned above for their students.  And Oprah, these are the best.  These are teachers who are the teacher of the year, published authors, committee chairs in the world of education, and continue to practice their craft daily with their students. 

Will you help the National Writing Project?  Do you have suggestions?  You’ve been in my life throughout my teaching career.  We spent many dinner conversations with our three sons around the daily topic of your show.  Now I turn to you as a friend of education.  How do we keep the National Writing Project for future teachers and students? 

Sincerely,

Pat Mumford