Couldn't I just sleep through this one? No, when one is foreseeing unemployment, one doesn't sleep. It dawned on me at 4:00 this morning, it's Wednesday, only two days until I leave for AW's and then to DC. Today, I'll listen in on one of the site calls to hear the questions and responses about the NWP state of affairs. Afterwards, I'll take mom to Portland to the doctor. Do I have the strength to hear the same stories today, to be patient with her, to try to stay positive on her account...only by the grace of God?!
I'm so afraid of DC. I'm afraid I'll cry my way through the weekend. The sites need someone strong and positive; I can't find that Pat right now. I keep telling myself to get it together but it's just not happening. Maybe the call today will help.
Dixie texted me this morning at 4:00 am. Guess I'll break the news to her today, hoping we can still maintain a relationship after June 1. It has been such a joy to watch her grow a new site. I'm praying ADWP can withstand the cuts.
Today's theme seems to be self doubt. Who will hire an overweight, un-certificated, 59 year old has-been teacher...to do what? What do I want to do? Nothing! Maybe I'll become a hermit or homeless person. They seem so content with who they are. No pressure or responsibility. For the first time since I was 9 years old, I don't want to teach. I have no desire to stay in education. It's like a bad break up...here take your 41 years of heartache and "Forget Youuuuu!" as the song goes. I don't have hope that things will change in my life time. What did my dad say...go into business Patty, you'll never have anything as a teacher. I think I retorted with something about money isn't everything, blah, blah, blah! My bad.
No comments:
Post a Comment