Then one day...

Last night, Matt and I were watching The Company, a movie about a large company who lays off many employees.  I know, why would I choose that right now?  Well, the synopsis mentioned something about how it helps them rethink their lives so I thought, "Oh, this will be inspirational."  However, it was rather depressing...right up there with Lorenzo's Oil, the award-winner for movies we said we wouldn't watch again as they tip the scales on the depressing view rubric  Nevertheless, there is a line in the movie about life;  how you start off wanting a job and then one day you wake up and you have a large mortgage, a whole lot of stuff, a family that depends on you, and are living much larger than you ever imagined.  It reminded of of the John Lennon song Beautiful Boy where he says: "Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans." 

While I'm busy jumping through hoops, filling out forms, collecting information, and generally giving my life the once over; and as I prepare for the next chapter, I'm finding artifacts and memories representing a life full of dreams I never dreamt.  From age 13, I simply wanted to be an elementary school teacher.  Yes, during brief moments at college I considered journalism; but, in my female  1970's world, that seemed like to big a dream to fulfill.  It would mean taking a risk, a risk with my parents money.  And dad had a  dream for me as well, "Why don't you go into business?" he would ask.  That dream felt like his; I couldn't own those desires even for my daddy.   So, I stuck with my natural inclination to serve, to nurture, to teach.

But, my desire to teach grew far beyond what I planned. I have a collection of name tags and bookmarks to remind me that a teacher can become a lead or master teacher, a workshop presenter can become a workshop coach/mentor, a council chair can become a co-director, a co-director can become a site mentor, and a facilitator can be come a conference planner.

Even at home my dreams expanded, a plan to have a little girl became twin boys and a mom of three sons becomes a baseball mom, scout mother, rugby supporter, basketball fan, and fraternity mom.  Yes, even the plan to be a mom expanded way beyond my dreams. 

In Irresistible Revolution Shane Claiborne says, "People always try to define you by what you do.  I am more interested in who I am becoming."  That statement settled in like warm sunshine on a summer beach. Irresistible Revolution

I received the most beautiful recommendation letter I've ever read from my former supervisor  yesterday.  Reading through my accomplishments was enlightening; but, reading in between the lines to feel the nods of respect and hugs of gratitude confirms who I am becoming.  It moves an unemployed mentality to a much more significant focus on becoming.  Then one day...who knows?