Outside Forces or Week 2

Last week was my first week as an unemployment statistic.  I'm the same person and yet the world feels completely different now.  As I work through the online registration for unemployment insurance, I feel a real empathy for those who have been at this for many months, lack the literacy and technology skills to navigate the journey, and also those who are over-qualified for most of the available employment opportunities. I also feel a real envy for those that know how to "work this system" and those who inspire us all by being disabled yet finding a place and purpose for their talents and assets. 

In keeping with Irene's career coaching to "keep the momentum going," I continue to make sure I accomplish something career related each day.  I managed to clear my office and organize myself as a job-seeker along with spending four hours at the work source center here in town.   In addition to the journal I am keeping, I have a notebook full of paper work:  work search record, coaching notes, bibliography of career books to read, copy of my resume and job description, letters from the unemployment department, and Claimant Handbook to name a few.  At the Work Source center I updated my status and information in the online Job Match system (imatch) and had an interview with the director about opportunities in Tillamook.  I'm listed in Linked In and have now added "Branch Out" recommended by another NWP colleague. 

I attended volunteer training for GrubClub, an organization based at the Methodist church, which feeds hundreds of kids in the summer--kids that wouldn't otherwise eat with school closed for summer.  Matt and I represented our church at the Synod Assembly, which made me wonder if I might be of service there now; however, the church is also cutting back on staff, losing membership, and generally reallocating resources.  I've put the word out at the YMCA, with my Mah Jongg group, and at church, letting everyone I know I am currently seeking  employment.

I guess there is where I've begun to feel the "outside forces."  At Mah Jongg, which I play simply for fun and friendship, I am asked about  "the search."  Each time I call mom, the conversation revolves around "the search."  Family calls from afar to ask about "the search."  Even my water fitness instructor greeted me today with "How's the job search going?  Are you officially unemployed now?"

Now in my head I know this is networking, this is caring and concern, and this is what I should be doing now--reaching out.  But in my heart, I feel like my identity has been condensed from friend, colleague, sister, daughter, grandma, Christian, gardener, baker, wife, into an unemployed person.  Matt makes remarks like, "We can't do that until you get a job."  Unemployment Insurance requires you to file a claim each and every week, asking questions like, "Were you willing and able to work?  Did you apply for any jobs?  Did you turn down any jobs?" All of these outside forces add to the pressure of the job hunt journey which frankly moves at a snail's pace...and I'm not talking about the huge banana slugs we have here in Oregon...but those little snails that appear not to have a care or direction to their very being.
I feel the outside pressures pushing in as I'm trying to have a seemless flow of looking inside and outside, being introspective, reflective, and purposeful as I make the next decisons.  Irene helps by focusing me on a title and direction to create a new resume.  A friend at church reminds me to take time to "let it sit"  and meditate with peace and acceptance. Amy, at Work Source, reminds me to get up each day, let the emotions ride, shower, "pretend you have a purpose."

I reread my blog and realize it is another tool to help me focus.  I promised myself this is me time.  Time for me to take stock of the last 45 years of employment and 60 years of  living to figure out what to do with these last few years in the work force.  I need to remember I wouldn't be in this position had I not made career sacrifices  for Matt and the boys.  The Lord is watching and in control.  I shall work at finding the balance between purposeful momentum and being the snail.

Or as Simon and Garfunkel would put it,  "Slow down, you move to fast, you got to make the morning last.  Just kicking 'round a cobblestone, looking for fun, and feeling, Groovey."   I guess you just have to embrace those outside forces with the rest and slide on down the road.