So, I retreated. I paused. I slept and wept. I felt the silence and stillness of God within me. A piece of me is now renewed.
I am more than the job I've been. The words come easily but it takes much longer to internalize the reality. I've spent years in the frenzy named "work." Blindly, I'd launch from one task, one obligation, one responsibility to the next; so blindly, I lived more in the future than in the moment. That obsessive need to give my all, to touch young lives, to live my passion, has given way to a release of frenzied energy as I melt into a puddle of now. Fear ruled my life. Fear of not being good enough, letting people down, not being self-sufficient, hurting someone else, failing, abandonment, judgment, and the unknown. Fears on top of fears have been my driving force for years.
It has taken weeks to come to grips with the fact that doing nothing means having time for awareness of everything. I am happy for the opportunity to be unemployed. What a relief! What a blessing! Time to BE.
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