"Non-essential"

"non-essential"--it is not even two full words. These twelve letters, a mere word with a prefix, kept me up thinking all night.  It is not the synonym of this word (not necessary) keeping my mind turning but the antonyms which nag: luxury, extra, supplementary, additional, dispensable, unnecessary, unneeded, essential.

I suppose the term "non-essential" when referring to an object is not as hurtful as it is when referring to a person.  "That brown table is non-essential to the room decor."  The table has no feelings. 

However,  when one looks at their work over the past nine years as being "non-essential" it causes one to pause and reconsider the time invested.  Time is the gift of life; I believe the things we do should be essential to ourselves and those around us. 


I'm particularly troubled by the antonyms,  "dispensable, unnecessary, and unneeded."  Is there anyone who wants to feel dispensable?  


Analyzing these twelve letters  caused me to rethink something I've been telling young women.  I've told them a mate should be a "luxury," or fringe benefit.   I believe women should know who they are, where they are going, and then add a man that will complement their journey.   Rather than referring to the man of their dreams as a "luxury" I should have told them to find some one "essential" to that journey.  Love is essential. It's been proven to be synonymous with life itself.  Knowing who you are and finding that one person to share the journey is necessary indeed.   How hurtful it would be to consider your life-long mate as non-essential, a luxury to be discarded when times get tough.  Words!  What was I thinking?


My role as caregiver to my 89 year old mother- in- law is essential.  She has lost the ability to care for her health needs, finances, and daily activities.   Caring for her is literally a matter of life and death.  Making her feel she still has purpose, although quite challenging, needs to be rooted in love.  My husband and I tease her calling her "high maintenance."  Even though the statement may sound comedic and is true, I imagine it makes her feel not only "non-essential"  but burdensome. 


I analyze.  It's what I do that makes me crazy and it's what I do that keeps me open and objective.  I can take twelve letters and dwell on them for days, weeks, months eventually coming to peace because I glum on to an optimistic stance pulling me forward to the next idea needing my attention.

Learning is essential.  Life enriches  learning even if it comes in the form of  twelve letters.   Following your passion may have an expiration date.  Find a new passion. Everything in life has an era.  Be careful about the way you word things.  Hurt makes us stronger.  Know your needs.  Love.  Look forward.