I'm reading a book now that would give anyone pause to think. It is the story of a pastor who was literally mutilated in a horrific car accident, died, experienced heaven, returned and went through a living hell to heal enough to function. He longs to go back to heaven, especially as he endures the physical and emotional pain of healing. Whether one believes in heaven or not, there are so many lessons to take away from 90 Minutes in Heaven by Don Piper.
This past year has been one of transformation for me. Everything that I had planned for my life, changed. Beginning with National Writing Project's loss of federal grant funding, to losing my position there, to Matt's contract ending, to well, now. Each surprise twisted my direction, seized control of my path, and left me wondering, what next?
I continue to learn more about myself each day. I have always been organized, punctual, and deliberate. From the time I was 13, I had a plan to become a teacher and change the world through my students. OK, that was lofty, but the point is I believed one step leads to another and as long as I was responsible, took control, and kept stepping, I could continue down my planned path. So, I worked hard in school, volunteered with children, made sure I got into a note-worthy college of education, graduated with good grades, and went clear to the Atlantic coast to get my first teaching job. Since then, it's been an upward trajectory to make an impact on education. I continued on to become a teacher leader, get my masters degree, become active in the OSU Writing Project, facilitate teacher workshops, become a program associate for the national network, mentor sites at several universities, and then... CRASH...lost my job.
I'm not saying there were not obstacles along my well-planned path. I lost my parents in my twenties, had a child and then divorced making me a single mom...on a teacher's salary (not recommended). I got remarried and had twins, got cancer, recovered, moved from place to place as a military wife, survived one of the kids setting the house of fire...well you get the picture. My career was very important to me; but, my three children and husband's success were equally important. Resilience surfaced with rising each day at 4am, editing hubby's speeches in a hospital room as I awaited surgery, choosing which sporting event to miss, and lying awake to catch a son sneaking in through a window. Yes, there were many unplanned events along my well-planned path; but, I stayed the course for 38 years thinking I'd retire from the National Writing Project and then travel the world...or at least get to Hawaii.
In 90 Minutes in Heaven, the pastor has a point where he realizes there will be a "new normal." It dawns on him he spent a great deal of time focused on his losses and had forgotten what he had left. He hadn't realized the opportunities he might never have tried otherwise. He sat down and made a list of all the things he could still do.
In no way am I comparing a simple job loss to what this human has suffered. However, by him sharing his words, he is impacting lives. He made me realize finding my new normal is what I've been accomplishing these past months. For the first time in my life I have the gift of time to spend on myself. As a active person immersed in purpose and touching the lives of others, at first I thought I was wasting days. I had to DO something; thus, I started my daily log of what I was "doing." The log was a list: "went to the Y, made tea, researched radiology, checked out more books from the library, two loads of laundry, employment office" and so it went each day. I had to see I was accomplishing something, anything, and the list gave me a tangible, visible confirmation that I still existed!
Eight months later, my new normal is quite different. I rise early. Somehow that never leaves one who has done it for years. On Monday and Wednesday it's water aerobics and yoga. In the afternoon, I work on learning everything I can to begin my own business: reading books on entrepreneurship, career change, social media impact, e-commerce, selling, marketing, and personal growth. I follow blogs I never thought I'd be interested in and review websites I didn't know existed. I'm a sponge again, revitalized with learning new skills. On Tuesday and Thursday I work in the morning and treadmill at the Y in the afternoon. I volunteer at church functions, soup kitchens, and make brownies when asked. I have time to send friends cards acknowledging their celebrations and losses, play Mah Jongg with friends, and help another rearrange a living room. I'm focused on becoming healthier and open to the twists my path is making.
Lack of direction still surrounds me. Matt is applying for jobs all over the US and beyond. He is also going back into the military reserves for the next six years to achieve full veteran status. Should he be called to active duty, I'll be a military wife again. We could end up anywhere. We took our home off the market as he awaits a job in the valley. If he gets that, we'll live separately as he commutes, or I commute, or both. There are no answers, just willingness to accept what comes our way.
If you've continued reading, I hope you'll take some time today to reflect on your life. What can you do? What do you have to offer others? What can you make of your new normal?
